"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
