listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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