sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
