My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
