I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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