I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
