another moral hangover. fuck.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
