Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
