Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
