Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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