it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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