the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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