She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
