he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
