We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
