does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
