Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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