Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
