do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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