I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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