Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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