hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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