I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
