Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
