Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
