1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
