So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
