Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
