I hate your face
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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