I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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