I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
