you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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