I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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