i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
