I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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