First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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