She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
