oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
