I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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