do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
