you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
