It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are the jesus of drinking
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
