just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
