I think I won the penis lottery.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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