When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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