Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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