our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
