I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
