absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
