the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
