She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
