I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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