I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Say something about gay babies.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
