I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
