dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
