I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
