i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize