I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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