Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
