Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
