turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
