Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
