did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
