You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
