Non-Jews are for practice
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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