I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
