he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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