dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
