dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
