Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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