Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
