New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42ā€¯ tv lol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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