I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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