It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize