I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
