Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
