My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
