i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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