my phone needs a breathalizer
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
