maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
