I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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