i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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