Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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