By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
