Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
