My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am one with the molecules
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
