They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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