I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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