I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
